7. Growing Through Chaos
May 07, 2024
ON THIS EPISODE
Hello, and welcome to another episode of the High Vibe Heather Podcast. So this last two weeks have felt like complete chaos, and I intended to record an episode last Monday, but Sasha had jury duty, and so that totally threw a wrench in my whole day. And if you have kids, you know what I mean.
Just because she's an adult does not mean that she's prepared to handle all of those big responsibilities on her own and know how to navigate them. So hence, I got three minutes into recording it and had to end it there. Never had a moment to pick it back up again because then Monday night, I started a new part-time job, working the front desk at a fitness studio on the other side of town.
And then Tuesday and Wednesday, Sasha and I took a little trip to the coast to celebrate Sasha's 19th birthday, which was such a lovely time, really sweet and very grateful for the time that we had to spend together, even though it happened to be right before I was scheduled to do my very first master class on Thursday, which I ended up finishing the slides 15 minutes before the class began.
The only way that I was able to even sleep the night before because I was so nervous about it, knowing that I had this class scheduled for the next day, that I'd been promoting it, and I wasn't even done with it because of all the other things happening. The only way I was able to sleep the night before was by telling myself, I'm going to wake up tomorrow morning and send everyone who registered a message saying that, I'm rescheduling it for next week.
Well, I ended up waking up super early and crushing it out anyway. No reschedule, just did it. And by the time it was over, I was just so glad that it was done and I could finally stop thinking about it.
Holy cow, so many lessons learned last week. And then I went to my new job Thursday through Sunday, and here we are on Monday again. So that was just last week.
What I learned was, it's not right. It's not good for me to schedule more than one new thing happening in my life in one week, if I can help it. I did not intentionally plan for all of those things to be coinciding at once.
That's just how it happened because when I had scheduled certain things into my life, I didn't yet know all of the other things that were going to come in and compete for the time. Oh my God, last week was not fun for me. It was actually so stressful.
I was overwhelmed. I had so many old stories come up that really were just old, and I was actually pretty mad that they were still moving through my head, taking up brain space. Like, here we are again.
But I managed to work through it all. And it's always good to have a little review to see what's present for me. I literally had zero time for self care last week, which is not good because, you know, when you're already stressed to not take time to care for yourself only makes it worse.
So what else did I learn? I learned that I hate having a frantic schedule. I hate my life being full of frantic energy and being stressed out and feeling the pressure of time.
And I have been calling in a lot of activity and opportunities for myself recently. And this fear around like, Oh my gosh, is this what my life is going to look like moving forward came up? Like, I don't want that.
Do I need to like pull back the reins? What is happening? And then, you know, as I was able to actually work through things and get things done that I didn't think I would be able to, I recognized I need to be a lot more precious with my time.
I need to get better at being efficient and prioritizing things, especially with working a part-time job now. You know, luckily, it's just a couple of evenings a week and on the weekends. And so that's not too disruptive.
But I have been participating in a lot more events for my business recently, and that takes time. It takes preparation, and I want to show up with this good energy. I mean, after all, my name is High Vibe Heather.
So showing up all stressed and frantic is not on brand. So learning, okay, how do I make these adjustments? How do I prioritize things?
And I've always made the conscientious decision to prioritize my relationships with my kids. Because at the end of the day, they are what's most important to me. Yes, I have my own dreams and goals, and it's totally okay for me to aspire to things, but that will always take a backseat to a present need that one of my kids has.
Even though they're all adults, I still feel that way. Life is hard, it's challenging, and when you are someone's person, there to help them navigate life, I take that seriously, and I want to be there for them in those ways. Even when it's really fucking inconvenient for me and throws a wrench in my entire day, I'm going to do it anyway.
And yeah, I might end up feeling a little resentful and have this old story of I'm never going to have the time to make my business become anything because every time I try to put myself forward, you know, something like this gets in the way.
And that's actually not true, but that's a story that I have in my head that came up once again this past week. And watching myself navigate that story and how I was showing up because of it, I didn't like and I had to work through that and I had to shift my attitude and I had to remind myself that my kids are my priority.
My time will come and it's just so, so close now. I'm just like on the cusp. In my last episode, I talked about how previously I had told Sasha, hey, when we move this summer, I think it's time for you to move out on your own.
You're going to be 19. And I'm just really ready to have that experience of living by myself since I'm 46. And I've never done that.”
Sasha was really reluctant about it. And so I went away on that trip with my sister and we talked about it. And I realized I had some of my own hangups around it, you know, and I don't want to push her out before she's ready.
And so I came back and I said to her, just kidding, you know, I'm not going to push you out. You can go whenever you're ready to go. And when we move this summer, we'll find a place together.
Sasha was so relieved by that. I felt a sense of relief. We started looking at places.
And then this past week when we were at the coast, lo and behold, Sasha says to me, actually, I think I am ready to move out on my own. What? Okay, tell me more.
So we talked about it. And she came to the conclusion that you're never really ready to do something new until you actually do it. And part of being ready is the desire to want to do it.
And she was suddenly feeling that desire, feeling like maybe I can do this. And so feels like a little bit of reverse psychology on my part, totally unintentional. And who knows, maybe she'll change her mind again.
But kind of funny how that worked. I'm secretly excited about that. And again, you know, we'll see what ends up happening.
But it's just funny how I had to get to that place of just accepting what is and letting go of my own agenda. And then it came back around for me. And that's such a good reminder for me of having this ability to be flexible, to be accepting of whatever my life circumstances are and letting go of this personal agenda that I have that requires somebody else to do something in order for me to have my way.
Because really that's not how life works. I can't make anyone be ready or do anything that they don't want to do. And so just being with what is and accepting it and finding peace with it has been this big learning curve for me.
Another place over this past week that I've noticed I've been growing is around being willing to ask for help. That's something that was like deeply conditioned into me as like you don't do that. Asking for help means you're a burden.
Nobody actually wants to help you figure it out on your own. Be resourceful. Don't be a burden.
And so I am really resourceful, and I do figure a lot of stuff out on my own, and I never want to be a pest or annoying or anything like that. And so I would oftentimes overthink things, things that I actually needed, but I didn't want to seem annoying. And so I just would hem and haw about like, oh, how do I approach this?
And I better ask at the right time and ask in the right way. And oh my gosh, go on and on. But recently I'm like, I don't have time.
I don't have the mental capacity to sit here and think about things so much. Like I need this done. I need to just take action.
And if somebody thinks that I'm annoying or that I'm being bothersome, I'm going to let them say that to me instead of just assuming that that's automatically what people think of me and then holding myself back from getting my needs met because of that assumption. So really it's just this like, it's been a matter of I don't have the time. I don't have the time to sit and overthink things.
And so I've been practicing with just like taking that action and noticing like, oh wow, that actually works out amazing. Everybody has been super responsive and I'm getting what I need. And it feels pretty magical.
So that feels huge. I've also been noticing that I have some room for growth around handling more activity on my plate. I have gotten into this really comfortable routine where I can be pretty slow with my days.
I can do things on a schedule that is not pressured. You know, I can take as long as I want to put things out. But with me choosing to participate in events that are collaborations, I don't have that luxury anymore.
People are depending on me to show up, or I've paid some cost of admission in order to be able to show up. And so I need to actually get things done on somebody else's schedule. That's been tricky for me making that adjustment.
And it's reminding me of the days when I worked for corporate and I was on somebody else's schedule doing a job with these expectations from others on me. And I recognize that that's how most people work. And for me, I of course didn't prefer that.
I like having all the time in the world, but that's a problem in and of itself too, because without any sort of pressure, when do things actually get done? So this hesitancy to want to have to pick up the pace, but at the same time, recognizing like, oh, this is actually a good healthy thing for me to have some pressure, to have to move more quickly, to have to get things done for other people on a schedule other than my own. This is good.
This is good growth for me. And it just means I need to shift some things around and rebalance my life a little bit in order to accommodate. But this is all stuff that I asked for.
It's all stuff that I have actively sought out. And I'm grateful that I'm getting to experience it now. I'm grateful for these opportunities that I finally have the courage to step into and show up as an expert, to show up as somebody who's competent and knows what I'm talking about and is offering a service to people that can truly help them.
Like that's so huge for me to step into and show up as. So for that, I'm really grateful to be in this position. And I recognize like, you know, anytime you start something new, it's awkward and uncomfortable and takes adjustment at first.
And then over time, it becomes just the norm. And then I'm moving into this new phase of my life where I'm going to be having to do a lot more of this if I want to continue on this trajectory that I planned for myself. So double-edged sword there.
Careful what you wish for. It's just with every new thing you step into, you know, there's something that you have to leave behind. And so I guess I knew it all along that eventually I would have to leave behind a slower pace of life where I had lots and lots of time for myself, and that's a good thing.
But I'm really grateful for the time that I have had that opportunity because I really needed it for a while. I really needed that time to heal and grow and move through some major transitions. So, energy is moving, I can feel it, the pace of life is picking up, and who knows where we'll go next.
I'm reminded of that saying, make your plans but hold them loosely, because that's just life. Things are constantly changing, and I can either resist and be drug through it, kicking and screaming, or I can accept and move with it. I'm choosing to accept.
And speaking of activity, I'm really excited. This coming weekend, I will be working at Unique Markets, Portland. I will be setting up at the upper left ladies table there, and selling mini human design readings, as well as some custom human design charts.
So if you're in the Portland area, and you are looking for something to do this coming weekend, you could even take your mom out for a special Mother's Day shopping trip. It's a local pop-up full of vendors, all in the Portland area. So come meet your local makers, and it will be at the Expo Center.
So I would love to see you there, if you are in Portland and looking for something to do. Other than that, life as usual. And I thank you so much for taking the time to listen, and I hope you have a beautiful week.
And on a final note, if you enjoy this podcast, it would mean so much to me if you would subscribe. Please leave me a rating and a review. I would love to connect with you.
If you have any comments, you can reach out to me on Instagram. My handle there is at high.vibe.heather, and I look forward to hearing from you.
From High Vibe Heather: 7. Growing Through Chaos, May 7, 2024
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES
If you have questions or feedback, I'd love to hear from you. You can DM me on Instagram @high.vibe.heather.
